It is highly encouraged throughout this process to keep a journal- to track your emotions, thoughts, symptoms and questions and while I would say that I most often am a Queen of List Making in this area I am failing... at first it was because I couldn't remember my thoughts long enough to write them down (think Dory from Finding Nemo) but now I realize that its more about being stubborn and a bit wishful that if I don't write it down, it will go away. That the nausea really doesn't last nearly the entire two weeks between treatments, that my days will be more joyful then sick, that I really don't have THAT symptom that some people experience
And yet in the midst of being forgetful, stubborn and a bit wishful I was robbing myself of Joy
Because not writing it down doesn't make it less true or less sucky
Not writing it down doesn't decrease the frequency or increase the probability
Not writing it down only means that I am left riding the same merry go round of thoughts and symptoms and missing the opportunity to live in the JOY
So today I started writing it down and I was immediately blessed
Because the worst of the nausea is only the first 7 days after chemo (at most 10)
Because sometimes a shower and clean comfy clothes is enough of an accomplishment for one day
Because there are a few good hours each day where the symptoms are at bay and there is relief
It is so easy to get dishearten on this journey to healing but that was not the path I chose from the beginning.
I choose joy and I hope you will too
