Happy Halloween

Nemo, Dory and an Octopus...

Momma's costume.... llama socks

Hitting the neighborhood for Trick or Treating 

They even trick or treated at our own house... just to have Madison (the Octopus) answer the door

Finally it was time to come inside (to warm up) and to investigate their haul...

The smiles and memories are always the highlight of this evening for Momma (though the weeks and days leading up to it I know I can be quite a bear about the holiday). 

But the true highlight of the evening was when Lillian ran up with one of my favorite Halloween treats (mini banana taffy) and with tremendous enthusiasm said... and they are SOY- you can have them Momma (Anyone that that closely follows my journey knows that I have food and dietary restrictions which have often brought my Lillian to tears and frustration, so to see her sheer joy that there was something Momma could safely have and enjoy was just what this Momma needed) 

Until next year :) 

Fall Break Shenanigans

It was the perfect stay-cation.
Filled with a mixture of adventures, friends, and lots of fun.

There were trips to the zoo...

 Including a train ride

Time with our favorite cowboys...

A bit of fall cleaning (Another Sparkle literalist... get up there and wipe off the table)

Adventures at Target...

Yes that is Cooper pushing Madison down the aisles...

 Movie marathons... sitting in our favorite spots
Cooper loves to climb in the bucket

 Dog sitting for the neighborhood

Learning to wink

And Band competitions to cheer on our favorite baritone
Whether we were in the stands

Or watching the live steam via candle light

Whatever we did, we did together. It has been a great two weeks.

Soccer Fun

Cooper decided he really wanted to play soccer this year and he had a great time.
His coach and teammates were very kind and he was excited to play and learn.

One of his favorite parts was the post game snacks :)

Here is what he requested for his game day team snack- Little Soccer Men were a huge hit!

One on One

Sharing some one on one time with my Sparkles :) 

Car cuddles waiting for the bus with Lillian

 Bingo reading in the kitchen with Cooper

 And quick before school chats with Madi before she leaves for school

Just a typical week with my Sparkles. 

Mini Grandpa Quinns

Beneath the Hair and Under the Smile...

I feel like I am drowning in the reality of remission. 

Unlike chemo, there is no end date. 

No count down. 

Days and weeks run together making it impossible to see progress. 


I entered into the world of remission believing I could begin to be normal again only to discover that normal as it used to be is unattainable. 

The smallest things which I previously did automatically now take so much longer.- both in time and in effort. 

I struggle to process things and easily become exhausted and overwhelmed. 
The simplest of tasks or responsibilities are a heavy weight for me to carry. 

Without the scarves, the bald head, the steroid puffiness, and the lingering look of illness, people see the return of the person they knew and they think I am the same. 

But I am not. 

I can't be who I used to be 
I can't give or do any more, what I am already doing is far too much. 

With remission comes the reality check of the damage caused from the chemotherapy. 
Because while the chemo did its number one job (to kill the cancer) it also had a few side hustles. 

My diet now has to be dairy and gluten free 
I have to carry an inhaler with me to treat asthma that I didn't have before 
I am working with additional teams of doctors, specialists and therapists as we begin to explore quality of life post chemo. 
And I must embrace the nerve damage that causes difficulties in my daily routine and tasks that I wish to complete. 

Normal is now defined as being able to participate in all of my activity of daily living without thinking about my health
And I am not there yet. 


I am struggling to Choose Joy and to Live Brave 


I am seeking hope yet often feeling hopeless. 


I can’t hope for what is lost or what other people/mommas my age can and do have
I can’t hope for relief or it to get better
I can't yet hope for the future, its too far out of reach

But I can hope for
Joy filled moments today
Moments of relief
A better day today then yesterday


And I can continue to remind myself:

Band Show Bound

Let the season begin!

Science Fair Success

Lillian raced home to tell me her science fair project was selected to be the in the Top 4 of her 5th grade class.

We are so proud of Lillian and her hard work. Well done Birdy!

Wookie Adventures

Bingo Reading for 2nd grade homework

 First tooth Lost

And a pajama change, upside sleeping kind of night

Serving Together

Its not always easy to get up early in the morning, but doing it together helps.

She's Licensed to Drive 😳

Stay off the roads....

So proud of Madison and her determination to get her license (on the first try) and her excitement to drive herself to her many band practices.

She's not so little any more.

Adventures with Aunt Z

In celebration of Aunt Beth and Uncle Sean's new house, Aunt Z flew to New Hampshire to visit.

 Cutest Welcoming Committee

 Morning Scooter Rides to the bus stop (even on vacation I am doing bus duty :)

 Squirty cream snacks (Hallelujah for a dairy free squirt cream option - I LOVE New Hampshire)

Thomas thought Aunt Z needed a bandage upgrade- skin tone was just not good enough.

 Evie Lee all tuckered out after a days adventure. She loves her puppy rug from Nana and Omi and sleeps on it every night.

 A true and authentic tiny smile- Cheese!

 Poses and smiles at the museum

 Cookies and Cream- a perfect post school snack

 Saturday morning soccer fans

A quick water front pose

Thanks for a great visit Meierdiercks! Can't wait for our next adventure together.

Labor Day Weekend Adventures

Snuggles and Lunch out with Momma for the littles

While Nana and Madi played in Illinois

Madison even made and grilled her own burger for dinner- yum yum

Littles School Pictures- Fall

5th grade- Lillian

 2nd Grade- Cooper

Band Season Begins

Fall is just around the corner and with the start of the school year also comes full time band season :)

One of Madison's biggest fans came to cheer her on at the first football game of the year... he could not wait to give her a hug afterward.

And of course, there was a request for a celebratory milkshake :)

Its going to be another great season