Chemo 4- Recap

Getting ready to go...

Comfy clothes, a tote full of things I won't read, do, or look at but just in case, and a cowboy heart cookie for the road

Sunshine, smiles and Starbucks- we are ready to go.

As has become the norm, we arrived, valet parked the car and headed to level 2 for blood work and my infusion. 

As has also become the norm, after completing the blood work, I had to wait for the results and doctor approval to begin my 4th infusion. 

My counts seem to be holding their normal and after minimal waiting we were escorted back to my infusion room (same room as infusion #3 :) 

I am most comfortable in the recliner and quickly settled in to begin. 

The infusion went as planned and on schedule and we were heading home 4 hours after arriving.

What is also the norm is the Chemo Crash- the feeling of being hit by a bus, when the slightest movement sends a wave a nausea over me, when the only relief comes with sleep. 

For this meticulous planner this is one of the hardest aspects, not the Crash itself as by now we have a routine for managing meds and resting as much as possible, the hardest is the unpredictability of when I will Crash. 

Some weeks the Crash occurs day 3 or 4 and other times (like this infusion) the Crash happens almost immediately. 

Its the unexpected and unpredictability that brings the greatest shock. 

And when the Crash hits... it looks like this. 

Sleeping in the recliner, sleeping all the time,  moving as little as possible waiting for the blinding nausea to pass and for human days to re-appear. 

I feel like road kill- lying and suffering and waiting for it to be over 

(not that I know what road kill feels like :) 

Time slowly passes and its easy to get discouraged and when discouragement hits, its when Cancer Sucks the most. When the tears freely flow and anger bubbles at the surface and the unfairness to walk this journey hits me in the face. 

But after a good cry, or a few moments of "this is unfair", when the anger ebbs away, 

 I choose to find Joy and i don't have to look far. 

Thank you to each of you that is sharing my journey, for your support and your love and for holding me up in prayer.

Thank you for the tangible rem diners (cards, gifts, text messages and dates on the calendar to look forward to). 

And especially Thank you for never allowing me to feel like I am doing this alone. 

May you too be blessed with Joyful moments each day

Moments that encourage you and remind you that you are dearly and deeply Loved :)