Unexpected Road Block

At my recent check up  I heard the words that are always just under the surface.... I think we need another scan. 

Based on my labs, exam and current examination of my symptoms there were too many red flags to ignore. 

I left the appointment walking in a daze. 
And as I drove home reality started to sink in and and 
Fear came first. 

In the words of my favorite movie (Italian Job) 
I was FINE... Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional
And that was the answer I gave when I got home. 
I was fine. 
That was the answer that I gave when asked about the appointment 
It was fine 
and so on went my response in the coming days. 

And though I meant my words to be assuring 
panic started to ripple around me.
I am sorry that what I was not saying was fueling your fears. 

Fine was the simplest answer to give with so much unknown. 
Fine was Truthful without details
Fine was the best I could do and still function

But the real enemy was fear.... 

Fear of the known or the possible 
Fear of answers or lack there of
Fear of defeat 

And so we wait for the scan, the results and the necessary steps to continue on this journey . 

This is only a roadblock, its not a destination.