My desire in writing this blog has been to be authentic and open handed with my journey. I have questioned on several occasions if I have "cheated" you or allowed my pride to hide the less glorious aspects of my illness.
And I have laid here these last few days pondering how to pull back the curtain a little further.
This has been my Chemo week ...
Days where I have no energy and can barely get out of bed
Hours slowly ticking by waiting for the next round of meds that might offer slight relief
Nights filled with paralyzing fear and anxiety
Moments that steal my breathe and the panic rests on my chest like the weight of an elephant.
I cry (a lot)
Then I apologize (for not being strong enough or able to endure it again)
and cry some more
And I wait
I wait for the feelings to pass
I wait for the symptoms to subside
I wait for relief
and I wait.
